Here's why you are single.

Last week, my mom sent me a link to an article titled, "Here's why you're single". My first instinct was to literally laugh out loud. And then my second was a thought, "is she trying to hint at something". I actually read the article. It was written so poorly, and gave me such pathetic, patriarchal broad explanations as to why I am single, including reasoning such as, "you fear the idea of commitment", it sparked an urge within me to write my own version, and the truth, about why my ridiculously successful female friends & I are still single, at 30+. First of all, well, most men are trash. Second of all, most men are trash. Third of all, I actually enjoy being single. There, I said it. All this hype about being in a relationship and you're the one worried about losing your man while I'm laid sprawled on my bed with no judemental male eyes within 600+ feet of me. Oh the mantrosity! I get to stroll leasurely about my apartment, with legs unshaven, hair barely done, no deoderant, burping and farting as I please and not a care in the world about NO man. If my girlfriend calls me up, I can simply get ready and jump on out, no need to check in with anyone. If I have the urge to call up a new hot guy, I can. If I feel like moving to a new city, I can. If I feel like moving out of the country I can. Not that someone in a relationship couldn't, but I can do it with ease & in the blink of an eye. No man strings attached. Other obvious reasons why I am single: 1. Men get in the way of progressing, they LITERALLY do, I have way more time on my hands when I am not dating someone. And when I am dating someone, all of a sudden that book I wanted to finish is still unread. 2. Men are selfish, and we should be too. Most men will walk out on us easier than a woman would walk out on a man. So why should I waste my years devoting myself to them when I can devote it to my own fucking self? 3. Men are judgemental and shallow, sometimes more than women. Who's opinion about your outfit do you fear most, your girlfriends or your man?