Fuck Dating.

Dating.

I can’t talk about dating without talking about SELF LOVE & SELF CARE first. You can drive yourself crazy dating over and over again without finding out the truth of why it isn't working out.

Here are a few rules I recommend BEFORE deciding to date:

1. Self care & self love yourself to the max in all kinds of ways, like: spiritual ritual cleansing baths. Baths can not just help to relax you, but I believe can “protect” you from bad energy by literally cleaning out toxins that are not letting you feel your best. I take baths up to 3 times a week!

2.  Journal nightly - learn more about yourself and becoming familiar with your patterns by writing out things that have happened throughout your day. This way, at the end of the week you can read about small details that happened earlier in the week that you may have repressed and realize that sometimes you repeat patterns. When you realize what these patterns are, you can consciously stop them.

3. Find out what you really want in a man by coming to terms with the TRUTH about what you want and need, what is going to fill your soul, and not by illusions of love and the type of “prince charmings” that fairy tales teach us about, because they aren’t real.

4. Realize that there is another TYPE of life that you can lead, that has nothing to do with a man: like being fully 100% independent and happy without a man - it can be done. Rely on your friends for the “love” that you need. Sometimes your best friends can provide better support than the men in your life.

I personally am now single, by choice, I LOVE IT, and I highly recommend dating ONLY for fun. Ok fine, so now I’ll talk about dating, if I must ;) 

I have personally been on all types of apps - from match, to tinder, to bumble, plenty offish etc…My personal favorite is bumble. And the reason is because what the brand stands for - which is women power. Women make the first move, and it subliminally makes men feel like they no longer have power over us, which in turn makes them feel “powerless” and kind of at our mercy (which I not so secretly LOVE). I truly believe the more women that join it, the better men will behave.

Dating can be hard. Here are some tips that I would like to share from my learnings about the process:

1. Date LOTS OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF MEN - you will be very surprised by what you end up liking. By different types I mean: different ages, different ethnicities, different work industries etc. If you turn it into a game, you won’t get your feelings hurt as much. 
2. If a guy doesn't return your calls, MOVE ON. I am not here to make you feel better. I am being honest and I will save you lots of unnecessary tears. Men are assholes, and they don’t care for your feelings that much. So if he doesn't return your call, don’t even bother texting goodbye. You don’t need closure. You just need a new guy ;) and fast!
3. Keep lots of men handy at all times, do not do not do not date just 1 guy at a time. I know it’s hard, and I don't mean 5 guys at a time, that is extreme. But maybe 2 , and try for 3. This way if one drops off, your fine.
4. Date your man every week or two. Do not expect to see him every night, that isn’t realistic. Find hobbies and stick to them - and actually BE busy, don’t “pretend”!! I am assuming you are a kick-ass hard working woman that socializes at night and works out - so do just that, don’t make him first.
5. Focus on yourself during the dating process. Remind yourself that you are looking for HIM to impress you (not the other way around). If he isn't 100% a perfect man to you , kick him out. i.e. If he isn’t taking you out as much as you would like, tell him directly, and see how he responds. If he doesn't respond that way you like, say bye.
6. Last but definitely not least, focus on your goals FIRST. Don’t put men or dating as a priority, because guess what, they definitely don’t put women first. Focus on that raise, that promotion, and buying yourself that new bag. You don’t need him. 

xo

Annabella

The I won’t text back but I’ll troll your insta, syndrome

That “I can’t text back, but I’ll troll your insta”, syndrome.

So my best guess at this syndrome is simple: I don’t think some guys are tech savvy, or aware enough, to realize that WE CAN SEE them. We see you, dipshit.

Some men have stronger mood swings than women, not that they would ever admit it. They don't handle stress well. When women are stressed, we yearn for companionship and affection. When men are stressed, they want their space.

So next time a guy ignores you, mentally move on. Immediately. It’s raining men in some cities, so don’t wait, not even a day.

Also, while I know and concur that it is absolutely frustrating to keep multiple guys on your radar at once (let's face it, it's not in our nature) - just try! OR do what I have been doing for the last 6 months which is going on a BOYCOTT. It's so nice to just take time on your self. Hyper focus on yourself and improve while you self care.

Rich Boy.

So here's my long embarrassing story. One that I never thought I would tell.

But here I am, almost 33, still a single female, LOVING it, and wondering where the fuck all the other single 33 females at?!

This starts off as your traditional tell-all, but it doesn't end as expected. So stick around.

 It all started with Match.com. Yes, before there was tinder, I told you this is going to be embarrassing. I went on my first online date in Irvine. With a guy that was in his early 30's , while I was only 24, I didn't realize how gross this was at that time, his pic was SO foggy I could barely see it. Online dating was so new at this point that even my sister went to crash my date - only for 2 minutes - to make sure this guy was A-Ok.

The date was cool, from what I could remember we ate and then went to the arcade. He was super nice and the conversation was great - BUT - I just wasn't attracted to him. After he kept texting me I started to ghost him. I thought it was nicer than telling him I wasn't attracted to him.

Backstory to my first boyfriend who was a total babe - I hope he will be happy to read that I said this about him - and hopefully he can laugh now about what I laugh at - which is our ridiculous relationship when we were 16 through about 19. He was my first love, a total mutt - Hawaiian, Mexican , and I don't even know what else. Big lips, dark skin total pretty boy etc. In other words, #babe.

Date #2 was Sasha, from Hermosa Beach. Very good looking. We met up at a bar, had a great conversation. He even texted me that same night and scheduled another date. So far so good.

Second date with Sasha: We met up at a bar in Hermosa and he started to take pics of the "stage" where I could have sworn he was taking pics of these cute girls right in front of us. It was weird. But honestly, the underlying truth was again, I just wasn't attracted to him. So I kindly told him I wanted to leave. He was upset, and honestly I felt bad.

Date #3 was with a lawyer from Santa Monica with mommy issues. Date #4 was with a midwestern transplant that started calling me babe and honey way too soon. Date #5 was with a doctor from Palos Verdes, I'll tell you more about him later. Date #6 was with a football coach that barely spoke and was awfully timid for someone who was 6'1". Date #7 was with a guy from Long Beach that looked WAY hotter in his pics than in real life.

You get the picture?

So I took a break. But not for long. Because soon after, tinder came into the scene. And it had so many cuties I didn't know where to start.

But let's go back and discuss that Doctor I never told you about. Date #5. It's gona be a long sad story, with breaks in between so here it goes. My biggest.heartbreak.ever.

We went on a first date & I was the bad date. He showed up in his matte black ferrari with his smoken hot smile and I turned into a zombie. I am certain that was his worst date ever. But miraculously he texted me for a second date. It must of been something I said "wink wink".

So we went on a second date and again I couldn't brush off this new found silence that overcame me when he spoke. It's like I was so overwhelmed by him that it made me timid. And unfortunately I think he liked that about me. But it wasn't me, do you understand? I'm not timid , I'm fearless I'm blunt as fuck and I have no filter. But around this man I was someone else. And I can't say that after 5 years of us on and off again that he ever really got to know ME. He would take me on many many dates, lots of dinners, lots of walking around, lots of texting. But I never met his friends. And I never met his family. And I know what you're thinking...stupid girl, you should have known better.  Right? Thats what your thinking.

But I was 27 and he was exactly what I wanted. And I fell in love with him, with the way he spoke, intellectually, and the way he pushed me around verbally. So yes, I stupidly stuck around while he just wasted my time. In a way I wanted him to push me. To push me to be a better version of myself. It's a very sadistic way of improving yourself, and I don't recommend it , but it was my way. I saw him as this great grandiose human being that I thought could help mold me into someone better. Because you see, he would correct me when I would speak. He would give me financial advice. He would ask me how I was doing at work and then give me advice on how to ask for a raise and promotions. This isnt information that you can get from just a simple guy. And for that I put up with the bullshit. I knew in the back of my mind that THIS was what I was in it for. And he was using me just as much as I was using him. As much as I have been using all my men.

But let's fast forward to Rich Boy, cause it's a lighter story. And cause this was my forever lesson.

Rich boy only posted his nice cars on his tinder profile. And I mean NICE - ferrari, mclaren etc. Plus one smoking hot pic of him when he was younger. He was about 5'10", big middle eastern eyes, tan skin, and the sweetest lips.

After we connected on tinder we didn't say hello right away. That was the tinder game. You had to wait for who was going to say hi first. Finally a few weeks later, I get a random hi from him. At this point I figured he was a lost cause so he surprised me. Not only did I get a hi, he wanted my phone number and we started texting right away. He wanted to meet me - on Valentine's day!

To be continued......

So Here’s my game:

I date these rich disgusting bastards. Not because I want to end up with them. But because I want to be them. I want their lifestyle. I want in on the secrets. So i need to learn their ways. They think they are wining and dining me. And i play dumb ;) . I play your typical - oh i had no idea it was like that card. What’s that saying? If you want to beat the devil, you have to play with them. Or is it, “In order to fight evil , sometimes you have to BE evil”. 

Background: I am a very good girl at heart. But good girl’s need some bad tricks in order to move ahead. Being whimsy and submissive is going to get you nowhere.

Stay with me, and I will teach you their tricks. By the time they learn who i am , I’ve moved on . There's PLENTY of them ladies, PLENTY. So don’t think for one second that you’ll never find another guy like him again. Barf!!! 

A few tricks I learned this week:

• Stay kind. Stay sweet. No one is going to give you anything for being mean.
• Rich men think that a salary of $100k is CHEAP. WOW. Really/? OK. Then ask for 300k ;)~ . I heard that out of the mouth of a man making 6 mill a year!! 6 mill?? Do you know how many shoes i can buy with 6mill??
• Rich men won’t hire you if you play with your hair. LMAO. I mean, i hate that i heard this out of the mouth of a general manager of a fucking hospitall. BIGGEST douchebag on the planet. I mean the shit that i heard coming out of his mouth i don't have the heart to repeat. 
• His exact words to me were “I didn't hire her as a director because she played with her hair too much”
• Umm excuse me?! I will play with my fucking hair all day and all night and be a fucking director all day err day for the rest of my fucking life. 
• #HAIRFLIP
• invest in stocks - like as much as posisble. In addition to 401k . You must have a stock portfolio!  - i. e. Ellevest (low risk) . Merrill Lynch / Schwab (higher risk)

More of this story next week..........