Stop looking at me.

Men look at me, a lot. Even when I am not looking at them, I can feel it from my side eye, my third eye, and my skin. I turn quickly to catch them and make them feel hella uncomfortable. Men feel entitled to look at women, as if they own them. As if it's their birth right. Don't look at me if your intentions are not to get into my head or my heart. You have no right to peruse my body with your eyes and think lame thoughts such as, "yeah I'd fuck her". Get off my vagina, bro.

15 ways to spice up your relationship

1. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to surprise your partner with a surprise getaway - something relaxing and sexy - either at a resort or somewhere tropical. This does not need to be an international trip, it can be something local if you are on a budget. A local resort is a great way to go because the resort itself will make you feel like you went somewhere. Take advantage of all the sexy amenities that the resort has - a couples massage, facials, baths, jacuzzi’s etc. Make sure to keep your phones away as well! Staying one hundred percent present is very challenging with technology always interfering. Even go as far as to turn off your phones. Give your closest relatives the hotel desk number in the case of a super urgent emergency - and let’s be real, how often do those happen? 

This is also a great trip for couples that are long-distance. Instead of meeting at either of your partners locations - either meet halfway somewhere or meet in another country! How crazy insane would that feel to meet your partner in another country?

2. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to switch it up in the bedroom, be adventurous - if you are a female wear a sexy lingerie outfit and prance around the house in it, for a long time. This is a bit of teasing, which is both sexy and fun. You can constantly walk by him with your fragrance, lingerie & wrap on , and wave your wrap around him. Even clean the house in your lingerie and make sure you don’t allow your man to touch you until you are done. If you are a male: buy your lady something to wear or bring oils or other elements into the mix. If you are the type of male that likes to dress up - do it! Your adventurous woman will love you for it. If toys are your thing, don’t be afraid to introduce them! If it’s too awkward or weird, then don’t do it again, but it is always fun to try, especially if you have a hard time getting your female partner to orgasm. It is much more challenging to get a female to orgasm than it is for a male to orgasm. So don’t let your ego get in the way - she will enjoy it.

3. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to have a surprise candle-lit dinner & bubble bath ready when they get home. Even throw roses over the bubble bath - use rose oil if you don’t have actual roses. You can also add epsom salt to the mix. Epsom salt is just magnesium which helps your muscles relax. If you are both intensely relaxed you will have really great sex and the passion will be elevated. Spray your entire house with lavender spray and walk around and light some sage to clear the air of any bad energy. Lower the lights in your bathroom to either very low or completely off when you take a bath. Turn off any sounds if you want to sit in complete silence (recommended) or turn on some light tunes. During dinner, I also recommend no cell phones and no television. Talking can also help spice things up. There is so much you don’t see your partner doing during the day, this is a great time to check in and make sure you are both ok and being attended to. Some partners also require more attention than others but may not say it. So make sure you use this time to give your partner your utmost attention because they might crave it from you. 

4. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to book a really nice dinner once every few weeks. Make sure it is very nice - the romantic feel of an expensive restaurant can feel very sexy. You can share a meal with your partner if it is too pricey and limit yourself to one drink each. But the change in scenery and enviornment is definitely a way to switch up the vibes between the two of you. Make sure you remind one another what made you fall in love to begin with. Do not sit across from one another! I repeat - do not sit across from one another! Try to get a booth, so you can sit next to each other, and feel close and romantic while you are eating. Otherwise if you are at a table and are end to end, don’t feel shy to pick up your chair and set it next to your partner so you are closer. Dinner’s in which the partners are sitting end to end feel like interviews. You want this to be close, warm, and passionate to help spice up the night. You can also book a dinner where you know there will be a jazz ensemble playing. You can sit near it and eat and listen - maybe even get up and dance!

5. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to do some yoga together. Late night or outdoor yoga can be very sexy! Imagine ending your tough, stressed out, work week with a couple yoga session. This ensures that you are both releasing the stress of the week behind you and releasing any bad energy that could keep you from getting closer sexually. It will also encourage you to try harder in the class if your partner is present - you will want to impress them. Healthy mind & body makes for a healthy relationship. Yoga also requires a lot of breathing which helps to relax you mentally, if you are both mentally relaxed your stimulus will be evoked. 

6. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to plan to do something romantic after the baby goes to sleep. Being parents can be tough, and can cause you to forget that your partner is a sexual being, not just a parent. The plan can be something very simple, as turning the lights down and spraying some lavender in the air and on your bed sheets. Boiling some tea and relaxing for the rest of the night to jazz music or your favorite music. This will help you both unwind and help get you into the mood. You can put on a movie if you like but talking is very important in a relationship - so I recommend no television or movies. Focus on yourselves, take  this time to talk about deeper things than just the day to day. Ask your partner how they are truly feeling, remind them how they make you feel, make sure you find out if there is anything wrong and figure out a way to make it better.

7. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is, if you are in a very serious relationship or a long distance relationship, to send a nude pic - one that you have had professionally photographed preferably. Nude pics can very easily be associated with “trashy” which is why you will want to have them professionally shot or a little more discreet. Make sure you send this to your man or woman when you know he or she is most likely to be alone, you wouldn't want them to open up a pic on their phone with people around. If they are at work - send it on his or her lunch break. If they are traveling - send it to them either very early in the morning (his time) or late at night. This is a fun and slightly immature way to spice things up. I think it is important to maintain a youthful attitude towards life in general, and reminding your partner you are capable of this can shift their perspective of you and make you seem more exotic and exciting to them.

8. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is, to go on an exotic vacation together, preferably internationally if it meets your budget. Going on a vacation literally forces you to leave everything behind - mentally and physically - and you turn into your true self. Most people feel very sexy when they are on vacation because they are very relaxed and not pressured by the day to day deadlines & meetings that they need to attend to. Going on an exotic vacation also forces you to feel sexy in a way. Most exotic locations are filled with sexy scenery, sexy resorts, and magic. Mystery & magic are all a part of spicy relationships. 

9. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to schedule a few days out of the month to completely turn off your phones and focus only on one another. This is a hard one but worth it! Imagine an entire few days without your phone! This is a tough one if you are in a long distance relationship. But if you are in a long distance relationship, you could attempt to turn your phones off the next time you are together to make sure you only focus on one another. Turning your phone off and not allowing yourselves to use the television or the computer will force yourselves to do things more analog - like play chess, or tic tac toe, which can also be comedic in a way. You can also spend the next few days talking about what you did during this time, which also helps to spice up the relationship for days on end.

10. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is, if they are traveling for work and not at home, have sexy talk over the phone. It is so rare to actually speak on the phone these days - most people prefer to just text and email and not bother one another. So it is extra special if you pick up the phone and hear their voice. If you are uncomfortable with this - try it slowly, you don’t have to say anything that makes you uncomfortable. This is especially great to do if your partner is traveling and you will not see them in a long time. Don’t do this every night, just once while they are away will do.

11. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to bake together and be silly together! Laughter and fun is definitely a way to spice up your relationship because it allows for a higher vibration to release between the two of you. You can use this opportunity to tease one another, tickle one another, kiss, and laugh like you did when you were in the beginning stages of your relationship. Throw some food in each other’s face - break all the rules. It is so important to break the rules with your partner once in a while so they don’t view you as uptight or not aging gracefully. Being mentally youthful is very sexy! Think JLO! Jlo is almost 50 but maintains her youthful air, movements, and speak. It is important to be a certain way in public and with your coworkers but always be yourself around your significant other. This will also show them that you are capable of being mysterious, silly, but still smart and multi-faceted. 

12. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to take a shower together. This is a nice way to switch it up from always being in the bedroom. It also feels very nice having the water run on you simultaneously. You don’t necessarily have to have sex here but you might end up doing so any way! The point is to be so close together in the nude that you feel closer on another level. It is challenging to be so close when you are in your work clothes and running around in your day to day errands. This also allows your partner to view you differently, standing up as opposed to laying down.

13. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to read a sexy novel at the same time. Reading a sexy novel can give you ideas and spark your imagination. If you introduce your partner to something sexy - they might then associate you with being very sexy. Sometimes it is hard for the average human being to express to their partner how they are feeling sexually or what they want sexually - so this is a great way to hint to them what you want without actually having to say it. This can be a sexy experiment for your partner that is long distance. This can also help you with conversation starters if you aren’t sure how to start them yourself. Practice makes perfect. You might feel uncomfortable at first but allow your partner to encourage you. Don’t correct your partner when they are attempting this, because they might not feel confident to do it again.

14. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to walk around the house nude together. This is an interesting experiment because it puts the both of you in your most natural state and you might surprise yourself as to how it makes you act. When you are in a natural state you will most likely also be in your most relaxed state. Sometimes the human mind is not sure why it feel agitated - so try this! It might release all your anxiety & agitation. When you release yourself from all societal “norms”, which aren’t the most natural states, the human mind lets go and completely relaxes. Societal pressure is what give the human mind anxiety, we subconsciously know what is wrong and right. If we didn’t always go along w/ society we would be more like the Europeans - eating at 10PM and taking two hour long lunch breaks! 

15. One awesome way to spice up your relationship is to keep some distance between the two of you so that you make sure to miss one another. Being together all the time can be dull and boring and mundane. Your partner will actually appreciate it if you aren’t always around. They might not tell you this because it is not the nicest thing to say! Make sure to take long distance trips without your spouse. Remember balance is key, I don’t recommend traveling all the time without one another because that could actually hurt the relationship, but every once in a while is sexy. 

this ones for the boys...

i have to argue for a minute, in favor of men. in favor of the good ones that exist. Because in my life, I have some amazing men. I am #blessed. My father, who is made of gold, and my male cousins (the younger ones) , also made of gold. not pure gold...i can't say they are perfect, because no one is, but they TRY. They are WOKE.

i can't help but worry that all this man-hating is going to make men resent us. a few times now, a man has refused to help me pick up a large package, or help keep the door open for me, or what seems to have been purposefully walking past me with some anger. and i believe it is due to what is going on in the media currently. The #metoo, the #timesup etc.

As a woman, it is hard to not defend other women, regardless. I stand by women on all topics, and yes I agree, for SOME it is #timesup.  But I would hate to categorize all men as such men that have made headlines recently.

I support the type of feminism that captures sexuality as strength and respect. I prefer to flip the script on sexuality. There is nothing wrong with it. And I can't say that it's wrong for a man to act out on his instincts (at the bar, on the street - not at work).

So this in favor of them and in favor of wearing your sexuality on your sleeve, and in favor of men holding the door open for me.

I love flirting.

And I worry that flirting, simple flirting, is what these men will stop doing for fear of any backlash.

We already live in a prudish society. Doesn't this send the wrong message to normal guys? To tell them to stay away from us? Is that what we want?

I think that eroticism is the highest form of intelligence. So yes, it is important to keep it tame when in certain situations.

But may we always flirt in the hallways outside of work. On the streets. And in bars.