I'm petite. With big curly hair. And, a minority. All odds against me in Corporate White Boy America.
I have heard the harsh criticisms muffled under someones breath & from 2 desk rows away when they thought I wasn't around. I have heard it all about my stature, hair, and looks. To bash someone based on their looks is infuriating, disgusting, and small minded. It's also incredibly gender conforming, above all else. Why should I have to carry around huge bags/huge heels just to get attention and to get respect?
As a personal revolt against stereotypes against me, and in an act of rebellion, for more than 3 years I have simplified my style down to an art form. I wear the same 2 pairs of jeans over and over and only purchase a new pair when I absolutely must. I recently just got a tear in one of my jeans. Instead of buying a new one, I patched it up from the inside. I wear the same 5 black tops over and over (wash them 1x per week). I have reduced my beauty routine all the way down to not adding any product in my hair (because it's incredibly expensive & time consuming). I never wear polish, again too time consuming & expensive. And I never wear makeup unless its for an extra special meeting at work or an event.
All of these gender conforming "add on's" set out by the patriarchy to get us even more sucked into this system for . fkng. ever.
But now, that I arrive to work in my most purest form, I have all the energy in the world to focus on the way I present myself and speak, regardless of all these distractions. Trying to show off who you are on the inside and have it emanate into the world regardless of all the sparkle, is challenging.
I still have a challenging time gaining respect from people. I used to blame it on myself: maybe I'm not loud enough, maybe my hair isn't as nice enough, maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm not social enough.
And the truth is: everyone else, who can't respect you for no other reason than you are a human being, is the problem, they are the problem.
Unfortunately we cannot warp into the future, in another 25million years away when humanity will hopefully be much better and respect you for just being you. A human.
So, sadly my new tactic hasn't worked. and 13 years into my career, I am officially exhausted from trying to prove myself and earn respect with my voice, and my work alone. So what is the solution to gaining respect in this f*ed up world? Buying a power bag.
I am now going to buy a HUGE GUCCI tote. Not a Louis Vuitton tote that isn't actually that expensive, that all the directors wear. The Gucci one, with the roaring lion embroidered on. Approximately $800 more than the Louis everyone carries around.
This is my last resort. So if you are feeling ultra exhausted from trying to gain friends that you don't actually want or need, respect for no reason, all in the name of corporate america, buy that bag. Buy that f*ing power bag. Leave it on top of your desk for all to see. And sadly, watch how people begin responding and paying attention to you.
Everything with a splash of Feminist Critique & some story telling.
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