Best summer lovin outfits

The power of a Gucci Bag.

I'm petite. With big curly hair. And, a minority. All odds against me in Corporate White Boy America.

I have heard the harsh criticisms muffled under someones breath & from 2 desk rows away when they thought I wasn't around. I have heard it all about my stature, hair, and looks. To bash someone based on their looks is infuriating, disgusting, and small minded. It's also incredibly gender conforming, above all else. Why should I have to carry around huge bags/huge heels just to get attention and to get respect?

As a personal revolt against stereotypes against me, and in an act of rebellion, for more than 3 years I have simplified my style down to an art form. I wear the same 2 pairs of jeans over and over and only purchase a new pair when I absolutely must. I recently just got a tear in one of my jeans. Instead of buying a new one, I patched it up from the inside. I wear the same 5 black tops over and over (wash them 1x per week). I have reduced my beauty routine all the way down to not adding any product in my hair (because it's incredibly expensive & time consuming). I never wear polish, again too time consuming & expensive. And I never wear makeup unless its for an extra special meeting at work or an event.

All of these gender conforming "add on's" set out by the patriarchy to get us even more sucked into this system for . fkng. ever.

But now, that I arrive to work in my most purest form, I have all the energy in the world to focus on the way I present myself and speak, regardless of all these distractions. Trying to show off who you are on the inside and have it emanate into the world regardless of all the sparkle, is challenging.

I still have a challenging time gaining respect from people. I used to blame it on myself: maybe I'm not loud enough, maybe my hair isn't as nice enough, maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm not social enough.

And the truth is: everyone else, who can't respect you for no other reason than you are a human being, is the problem, they are the problem.

Unfortunately we cannot warp into the future, in another 25million years away when humanity will hopefully be much better and respect you for just being you. A human.

So, sadly my new tactic hasn't worked. and 13 years into my career, I am officially exhausted from trying to prove myself and earn respect with my voice, and my work alone. So what is the solution to gaining respect in this f*ed up world? Buying a power bag.

I am now going to buy a HUGE GUCCI tote. Not a Louis Vuitton tote that isn't actually that expensive, that all the directors wear. The Gucci one, with the roaring lion embroidered on. Approximately $800 more than the Louis everyone carries around.

This is my last resort. So if you are feeling ultra exhausted from trying to gain friends that you don't actually want or need, respect for no reason, all in the name of corporate america, buy that bag. Buy that f*ing power bag. Leave it on top of your desk for all to see. And sadly, watch how people begin responding and paying attention to you.

How to negotiate a raise.

ASK for it!

 It's rare that women, in particular, ask for a raise the second they feel like they are entitled to it. They tend to wait for "the right moment". But really, there is never a right moment. Which is why you just need to do it. Unfortunately, as most of you already know, the system will take advantage of you if you let it. Especially you hard working minorities that don't feel entitled. I am you. So I understand.

I work in the beauty industry, on the corporate side, and have been handed over managerial duties without the title or promotion twice in my career. My Caucasian manager went on maternity leave, never came back, and yet I assumed the roles & responsibilities without a raise or title change. Occurrences such as this has delayed my advancement year after year. It aggregately consumes my lack of wealth.

So my advice is, from direct experience:

1. Ask for that raise and title IMMEDIATELY after your manager is gone
2. SERVE them a list, in email form, of your latest achievements and your "BROADER SCOPE OF WORK" - key words
3. Ask for approximately 10k-25k more than what you are making (this is considered a promotional raise). A 5k raise is simply a performance raise that most people are given. So ask for more!
4. If they say no, ask that they reconsider in one to two months.
5. If the company says no to a review in a few months, immediately start looking elsewhere. If you find something, you can use that offer as a negotiation tool to get the salary you want. Make sure you only present it if you are 100% comfortable with a rejection, which would mean you leave to your new company
6. If you leave to another company, change is good and BRAVE. So bravo, boss.

OTHER side tactics include:

1. Attempting to get as much face time w/ higher-ups that can advocate for you for a new position or salary increase
2. Chat with the CEO from time to time, even if it is just about the weather, SHE gets the final say eventually

If you are wondering how I faire with these tactics, on average I have received 10k salary increases at most. But I am certain you can do better than me! I also tend to job-bounce frequently to make up for the low salary I made as a younger impressionable babe that would do anything for less money. Each time I change companies, I increase my salary another 5-10k.

xo Annabella

Stylish Summer Work Out Gear:

FAIRNESS, and I dont mean your skintone, but maybe I do?

There are some people in this world that can move through the world more "freely", and then, there are "other's". There are some people that move on without consequences. And then, there are "other's". There are some people that are "allowed" to behave a certain way, and then, there are "other's". I am other.

FAIRNESS truly is only for the fair.

In a recent experience (I won't say real names) - Christina & Jessica moonlighted while at work and was caught. Jessica, a fair-skinned affluent woman under 30 years old and Christina a dark-skinned, and Asian women were caught. Their case was considered for 24 hours before making any decisions, and then it was decided that they would be kept at the company. Even though they clearly defied the contract that you sign upon hire. This notch on their chart was a second notch to their already "bad" behavior at work (missing deadlines, leaving to lunch for two hours, rolling in to the office at 1030AM leaving at 5PM etc..)

If I, a Middle Eastern, Petite woman, with big ass frizzy curly hair was EVER in this position, I would be CANNED. The rules are different for me, they always have been. As a marginalized being, I am forced to be "perfect". I move, act, & react in this world according to "perfection". I have to, and from personal, direct experience, I know I have to because I have been fired for "bad" behavior. Have you?

 I know, that the second I am "imperfect". If I break any of these "rules", I am the one to get fired, laid-off, demoted, because that is just another notch on my resume, on top of being female, petite, curly hair, hairy-ish arms, less "like-able" qualities, everything that is the opposite of Caucasian. If I miss a comma in an email, I receive an eye-roll from my superiors. If I miss ONE email, because I receive hundreds of emails throughout the day, I am considered not diligent. While others around me can completely work on side projects on work hours and still receive praise from the CEO. 

Fucking incredible.

The added consequence of this duo being kept at this company - as my inferiors (I am technically above them in title) - have now gained momentum & empowerment to be even more disrespectful and intolerant of me. They were already this way in the past, but they double downed their attitude towards me when they returned, not in an act of defiance but in an act of ultra-superiority. I officially have no say in any move they make from now on.

An additional consequence of this from my end, is that I am even more quiet than I was before. And alienated by the team. If I my vocal intolerance of their "misbehavior" was not appreciated before, it definitely wasn't appreciated now. Not long after these events, I was not invited to a going away party of 2 other women in our group. While I don't have personal emotions towards it, because my real life is way more incredible than my work life, it's interesting to watch it play out as the only Middle Eastern woman on the team.

 So now, if I need to peg a metaphor to it, it feel like I am in jail. And the bad guys rule. I need to be able to see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil in order to survive. Can't wait to see how the rest of the year plays out (insert eye-roll).

 Someone, please call me out if I am being unfair.

Shop Summer Flow:

SHOP Women Owned Brands:

She's Just Not that Into You.

1. You "rich boys" are a dime a dozen. That's because the entire world props you up and throws money at you so you can "control" the rest of us. So, she's just not that inspired by your story or your grotesque line up of fancy cars that cost more than her school loans, she has seen it all and her last boy toy made 14 mill a year, move on please. She's more inspired by the marginalized overlooked bartender trying to get his loans paid off in white-boy America.

2. She's heard, "hey girl, where you from?", at least a million times. Try to spark an intelligent conversation or move the fuck on.

3. Don't think you're the first guy that has sent her a dick pic. She has about 100 of them in her arsenal and she's kind enough to not make fun of your crooked dick. Try sending a photo of your dog?

4. She's judging you. She's judging every word that comes out of your mouth. So stop talking.

5. She can see your 6' ass trying to scan the room for hotter chicks while you speak to her. She's not blind.

6. She's smarter than you for sure. She's just trying to make you feel better about yourself.

7. She's fully aware that you wanting to get married is a ploy to save money on taxes and keep her locked up in the kitchen asking her to ew, budget, on groceries. Move on.

8. She probably doesn't like your mom as much as she says she does. She knows you're a mammas boy and she secretly thinks its pathetic because she knows you will never respect her the way you respect your mom, and she's tired of being disrespected by society in general.

9. She secretly loves being single but plays the "oh I wish I had a husband" card around her married friends to make them feel better about their lives.

10. She knows men are a waste of valuable time, literally, and she would rather hit the gym and self-care.

How to make her fall in love.

1. Don't be an asshole 2. Don't be rude and insensitive. 3. Try to channel your inner goddess. 4. Try to remember her birthday. 5. Try to get a job, doesn't have to be an amazing one, but at least a job. 6. Try to eat healthy so you don't fart everywhere, all the time. 7. Try to use your male superiority & privilege to HER benefit, in other words, support her. 8. Don't invite your friends everywhere you both go. 9. Shower often. 10. Try to be spontaneous.