What is racism?

It's complicated & it's different for everyone.

But for me, for years, and in every darn situation, racism is that thing that you can't quite put your finger on. It's having a hard time making friends, especially white friends. It's trying to move up and up in the corporate ladder only to be chopped down every 6 months and needing to climb back up. It's the getting fired, or laid off 4 times in 13 years. It's making the same pay for 4 years in a row. It's not being promoted when every white boss and white individual around you is being promoted, for the same, even less amount of work. It's that feeling of not quite fitting in, ever. It's being left out of invites to team parties. It's the not being taken seriously by your bosses. It's the not being heard for your skillset, for what you were hired for in the first place. It's the being given the blame, when they want to save someone else. It's the not getting a job, even though you went on 50 interviews in less than 9 months. Its the answer to "why doesn't she leave?". 

But again, and most importantly, it's that thing that you can't quite put your finger on.

It's covert, and it's deadly.

It's checking off all your boxes, and still not being fully accepted. It's not being recognized even though when you look in the mirror, you know your pretty darn perfect.

So what is it then?

Why won't they accept me?

Why won't they just let me in?

It's the ..."she's great, but...", "I really like her, but....", "She has such a great personality....but".

It's the feeling you felt for years but you didn't have the words to express. It's the feeling you felt and you knew deep inside, but you were so pure, and not racist yourself, so you couldn't identify it.

It's racism.

Dear white boss,

 Dear white boss,

Your lack of empathy is nauseating.

Your sense of entitlement is louder than your voice.

Dear white boss,

Your lack of awareness is stunting my personal growth, and the P&L of this company.

Your lack of awareness is exhausting, why do I have to verbalize the most obvious things?

The benefits of yoga.

 There are so many benefits to yoga. And as an RYT 200 certified Yoga instructor, I can describe and explain the benefits from personal experience as well as scientific research reports.

When I was younger, I was always on dance, cheer, ballet, jazz, yoga, the list goes on. I always innately understood that there was a healing aspect to what I was doing. In the most simplest terms, I knew that if I wasn't feeling well, I could push through my workout, and would feel outstanding immediately after. I also understood on a very deep intuitive level that stretching was so much more beneficial than people made it out to be. Although at the time, I did not have the vocabulary to describe the healing attributes of the practice, I gained the wisdom and the words through continued practice and working closely with guru's and through spiritual reading & deep study of the Gita & Yoga Sutras. 

The benefits of yoga transcend the physical. There are many things that hinder our yoga & mental progression including traumas from our past, programming from society, and lack of self-awareness. All of which the benefits of yoga helps to enhance. 

Another benefit of yoga is to clear our auric fields. Our auric field goes way beyond and above our bodies. Some yogi's believe there is a higher supreme power. Call it whatever you wish: god, allah, creator, mother gaia, supreme being, Krishna, it doesn't matter. They are all the same being. Our auric field can both connect us to one another and to God. This is the ultimate benefit of yoga. Yoga helps to prepare our bodies for meditation. When our bodies and mind are prepped for meditation, we are able to connect more closely with God. Our auric field become clearer, our traumas are released, and we can hear the messages of God/Goddess more clearly. 

Leo Season Vinyasa Flow

Just uploaded my first Leo Season Vinyasa Flow on youtube, one full hour class with voice over instructions! All flows are designed by me! 

Here's why you are single.

Last week, my mom sent me a link to an article titled, "Here's why you're single". My first instinct was to literally laugh out loud. And then my second was a thought, "is she trying to hint at something". I actually read the article. It was written so poorly, and gave me such pathetic, patriarchal broad explanations as to why I am single, including reasoning such as, "you fear the idea of commitment", it sparked an urge within me to write my own version, and the truth, about why my ridiculously successful female friends & I are still single, at 30+. First of all, well, most men are trash. Second of all, most men are trash. Third of all, I actually enjoy being single. There, I said it. All this hype about being in a relationship and you're the one worried about losing your man while I'm laid sprawled on my bed with no judemental male eyes within 600+ feet of me. Oh the mantrosity! I get to stroll leasurely about my apartment, with legs unshaven, hair barely done, no deoderant, burping and farting as I please and not a care in the world about NO man. If my girlfriend calls me up, I can simply get ready and jump on out, no need to check in with anyone. If I have the urge to call up a new hot guy, I can. If I feel like moving to a new city, I can. If I feel like moving out of the country I can. Not that someone in a relationship couldn't, but I can do it with ease & in the blink of an eye. No man strings attached. Other obvious reasons why I am single: 1. Men get in the way of progressing, they LITERALLY do, I have way more time on my hands when I am not dating someone. And when I am dating someone, all of a sudden that book I wanted to finish is still unread. 2. Men are selfish, and we should be too. Most men will walk out on us easier than a woman would walk out on a man. So why should I waste my years devoting myself to them when I can devote it to my own fucking self? 3. Men are judgemental and shallow, sometimes more than women. Who's opinion about your outfit do you fear most, your girlfriends or your man?

Dear men.

Dear Men, I can't get through to you. Not through my nude pics and not through my rants on instagram. It's impossible and I know, I understand, why you don't understand why I am so angry.

So I'll do it this way.

 Imagine you are 5'0" tall. You are skinny. You have big curly hair. And, you are female.

I'm walking through downtown San Francisco on a busy day. I can feel a few mens' gazes but I look straight ahead with a strong fixed poker face like I always do and pretend not to see them through the sides of my eyes. I hear a tall man behind me, I can tell he is tall by where his voice is coming from, and I clutch my bag a little harder. My man radar is permanently on high considering past experiences - butt grabs, multiple cat calls, attempted bag grabs, and oh, apparently now I have to worry about sex trafficking. I look up and I see the massive building, built by and for men. I feel SO small. I see a man ahead riding really fast on his bike, so I approach the walk light like a jaguar. Kind of crouched, head a little down, legs flexed & strong. You never know ! Gotta be ready to run!!

I walk into a very impressive & almost intimidating Bank of America on a busy, expensive street. The line is filled with tall & short strong looking men, I am the only female. Most tellers are male, and the manager walking around asking to assist the customers in line is a strong looking man. He asks the men in front of me what they need, and they say something simple enough to where he only needs to reply with a smile, "the teller will help you soon".

Now, he approaches ME with a confused question on his face, almost to tell me, "what the heck are YOU doing in here". And by YOU, I mean a woman, and you know it, you just will never admit it. He asks how he can help me, but NOT with a smile. I say "currency exchange". He then asks a question that confuses me but quickly follows up with, "are you a customer of our bank?".

I have been a customer of Bank of America since I was 16, you sexist piece of shit. I have opened a business, personal, and savings account, and multiple credit cards. I probably make as much money as he does. He then goes on to simply tell me, "sorry but there is no time to order you the money you need, it won't get here in time". He DOESN'T EVEN CHECK!!! He just says this at the top of his mind, with no further assistance for me.

Oh, and then he checks out my simple glittery Sperry boat shoes before he walks away.

NOW, I know you are thinking, "but this isn't sexist". So I will stop here to explain further. Do you understand that my daily interactions with men are rarely pleasing and KIND? Do you understand that every day I have to continually ask and ask and ask and ask AGAIN AND AGAIN for further assistance and for men to HEAR ME? I always need to repeat, "Look again, look again, please help me, please look again".

Imagine this was a MAN to MAN interaction. The manager probably would have interacted with him MUCH differently. He maybe even would have SMILED. He would have ASSUMED he was a customer of the bank. He maybe would have said, "I am so sorry man, if there is anything else I can do I would love to help you." or maybe "Oh let me call a different branch for you". Instead of just scurrying me out.

This is just one example but things like this happen to me DAILY. There is a huge difference in daily interactions in regards to RESPECT. That is the difference. That is what sexism is on the most discreet level, and I won't tolerate it.