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Male Energy.

If you are the type of male that easily gets offended by feminism, then you are not yet aware that feminism is for you, too.

Are you exhausted of machismo toxic-masculinity?

Do you have a hunch that male toxicity is permeating in other areas of our lives, and damaging them?

Are you secretly rooting for your female boss to win over another male because you know they won't place the same god awful expectations onto you that other males do?

Let's remember that feminism is not new. It's been around since, at least, the 20's (politically speaking). 

We've definitely had a pop culture feminism resurgence, that is vomited all over instagram, which helps.

But men are confused.

Why are they being left out?

Why are we silencing them?

Why are they so mad?

Not that we have to explain ourselves to you, because one of the main arguments against men is that you need to do the work yourself, but I'll take one for the team, know that it's exhausting.

First, please read as many books on feminism first, before arguing with us.

Second, understand that if we are angry, we have every right to be. We have been silenced for centuries and now that we are using our voice, you are asking us to be nice? And say what we need to say eloquently? Boy please, have you been perfect all your life? Don't you realize we are only hurting one another?

I want feminism for the same reason you want "male rights". If you don't realize the NEED for feminism and solely for male rights, then you have no idea what feminism about. So please read a book.

By male rights, which you already have because male power PERMEATES in the fucking wind, but maybe you are a "lesser male"? 

DING DING DING DING, this is why you need feminism.

In our view there is no "lesser male", "weaker male", just like there is no "weaker sex".

If we left you out it's because we didn't feel safe around you.

Because we were tired of your male gaze.

Because we needed time to heal our traumas before we focused on YOU.

Sure in a million years when we are all officially more equal, you can be more than welcome in these conversations and we can begin to share more closely

But , do we really need "more men at the table?" . You are already there?!

You need more "rights"? We never had them until the 20's! Read history!

We have aggregately lost compensation and equity and you want us to save you some space??

How about move over so that we can return the favor.

Because you need us, you need us to be in power, so that male toxicity doesn't have power over you.

Does that make sense?

We don't want a world of conquest over community

Of competition over collaboration

Of disruption over healing .

We are with you and you didn't even realize it.

The Wing.

 What happened to the Wing?

The Wing was a pop culture feminist safe-space come to life. It felt how I would image you would feel if Barbie suddenly appeared in front you as a real human and started talking.

A feminist utopia. So much pink. It felt like a hug, a place I could fully relax, without the male gaze. It felt like a complete "letting go". A place to practice using my voice.

I was a member for a year in San Francisco and I can attest to this feeling. While not perfect, and there were definitely underlying issues hidden behind the scenes, upon entering, it brought me a feeling of comfort, of safety. 

As a middle eastern woman, yes I still saw the glaring inequalities between me and the white women within, which I experience on the daily anywhere in life really, however, for the time being, this was the best feminist-instagram culture come to life, to date. This was the best we got and as an optimist, I wasn't about to complain. 

As a woman, I am not of the mindset to bash another woman or try to bring her down, especially in our fucked up patriarchal society. I was proud of being a member. I was proud there was a female CEO, Audrey Gelman, & COO who were bringing in BANK, even if they were white.

I loved visiting after work for events and on Saturday's for writing sessions after the gym.

I can't emphasize the level of unveiling that happened for me during this time. The events, the events, the events! I would attend three per week, each on a different topic - from how to be more involved in community politics, to racial inequality in the workspace, to how to pitch to a VC. 

The amount of circle sessions I attended were so healing, so necessary. New book discoveries. 

I'm sure some folk would go just for the glamour, or the beautiful space, but I was enthralled with the events. I felt the energy of progress. Yes it was siloed, yes we had more work to do, but I couldn't help but immerse myself in the wonder that exploded in real life. I mean what 30 year old woman do you know opened up 12 locations in under a year? All promoting feminism? Damn.

An entire wall of books that you could check out for free. Blankets for reading, or crying. Fragrance and a vanity room for that self-care. Lesbians. Non-binary folk. So diverse.

Damn I miss that place.

Yes, there needed to be more black leaders. Yes, the price was ridiculous and I probably could have saved the money (but fuck, so so worth it). 

But remove the wing altogether? Oh and the patriarchy wins again. Batting women against women has been their BEST strategy to date.

I recently heard the wing was sold, and I am sure it will change, but I found it to be an awakening. And I hope it continues in some way or another. We need it, desperately. 

The male gaze.

Many many years ago, I allowed a male into my fortress.

He STOMPED into my apartment with his brute male energy force.

He sat down and GAZED, with judgement, at my intentionally undyed hair, with grays.

Instead of renouncing his power amidst my goddess vibes.

Like um excuse me, did you not notice this divine energy?

This energy that I've summoned from the goddesses upon high.

This energy that I've spent years cultivating, healing, protecting.

This energy that only deserves the presence of the highest.

And you didn't NOTICE it?

He wiped out my female energy with his

And chose to speak to me from his mind

As I speak from my heart

There was no exchange of understanding.

I couldn't hear him.

I couldn't speak.

Goddess doesn't come through when she isn't being honored.

If you are not bowing at my throne or devouring me.

You gotta go.

September 2020.

That was the last time I ever had a male over.

I shouldn't have to behave in a manner that is more "male".

I shouldn't have to behave in a manner that is more "male".

To be heard, to be seen, to be understood, to be trusted.

I should be allowed to use my "female" confidence, soft confidence.

Soft power. Soft strength.

I shouldn't have to one up another the way men do to prove myself.

The way North Korea launches a missle and the US slams Syria.

Weapons to show power.

I don't need to show power, I am power, I am soft power.

But power is currently equated with force, strength and aggression.

When real power is softness, waiting, listening, openness. 

Real power is in knowing, being, stillness.

It is "female" or whatever "gender" or non-gender you want to assign to this essence of being.

But by all means let's eradicate this idea of power as being aggressive, competitive, destructive. 

You are not in a rush.

Something will come.

There's no where you need to be.

There's nothing you need to do.

Emptiness is wonderful. 

How wonderful to have fully let go of everything you desire.

Release the hustle, it doesn't serve you.

Release the competition, there's enough room for all of us.

Release the weight of tasks off your chest.

The overwhelming sensation that you don't have enough time.

There is plenty of time.

You are not in a rush.

Do you see me now?

Why do I need to straighten my hair for you?

Were my curls too ethnic?

Did you mistake me for an exotic animal?

Do you see me now? 

Now that my hair is straight?

And after you borrow me you think you can throw me back out into the wild?

How dare you.

Maybe next time use your soul, not your eyes when looking at us.

We are divine.

Do you want to be part of the patriarchy or the matriarchy?

I have been struggling with the notion of how I could merge my spirituality with my work life. 

I have innately felt that corporate environments just don't feel right. And it's no longer my job to fit into them. 

I am not a box.

Instead of continuing to conform ourselves to these standards, we must break free from the glass CAGE.

My guru, who I have been studying under for years now, finally put it into perspective for me the other day.

And not that she answered it directly, nor did I pose the question verbally, but she very much answered it indirectly.

She spoke of how the patriarchy is almost as if it is all apart of the same fabric of logic. And the more individuals that commit to this type of work, add to the strength of that fabric. And so it goes for the matriarchy. The matriarchy is all a part of the same fabric of love, community and most importantly, creation. Women hold the symbolic power of creation, sometimes in the form of the womb. In other times as being weavers, nurturers, healers. 

So there it was.

How do I choose which path to focus more on? 

The answer was within this question: Do you want to be part of the matriarchy* or the patriarchy*?

Because I no longer want to be apart of the fabric that supports and upholds the patriarchy, I MUST join all creative forces against the patriarchy and join any and every creative path possible.

I have been a part of the patriarchy for so long that I couldn't see it. The veil is actually many layers of threads. Although I have been studying feminism for many years now, there's so much more to discover and unfold.

So now I can officially reclaim my new timeline with this new perspective.

*Matriarchy/Patriarchy here represents an entire system, not a gender. Any gender can be part of the patriarchy or matriarchy

 

Misogynoir.

Misogynoir is misogyny directed towards black women. It's so real, there's an entire word dedicated to it.

In a world with a man-made power of hierarchy, black women are the most MARGINALIZED. I have always viewed racism and sexism with black women as the most vulnerable, not to pity them, but to be accurate and to stop it. They don't need our pity, they are powerful in wonderful ways and we are too blind to it. 

We need to wake up.

This is not the way it should be, it is the way it is because of the intersection of sexism and feminism and because of the deep roots in our society that we have yet to cleanse.

"Kimberlé Crenshaw, an American law professor who coined the term in 1989 explained Intersectional feminism as, “a prism for seeing the way in which various forms of inequality often operate together and exacerbate each other,” in a recent interview with Time."  USWOMEN.ORG

Black women urgently need to be protected, uplifted, and admired, as they are so deserving and incredibly smart.

And we are missing out on how much they have to offer. Historically, they have been leaders in engineering, medicine, mathematicians, and invention, but simply get left out of the spotlight.

Reference:

https://www.biography.com/news/katherine-johnson-black-female-science-technology-engineering-mathematics

Have you checked your unconscious bias lately? Are you simply not realizing their potential because of your own limiting beliefs? Do you not see how much potential they have because you are too inexperienced? You are not perfect. So you better check yourself, again.

Racism is not something to be easily dismissed or doubted. It is so real and we have a duty to protect those that are most vulnerable.

 

Why the word "agile" irks me.

I work alongside tech teams, as a PM. And I see everything through a feminist lens, and I mean everything.

When someone mentions agile, I think, "oh you mean like simpler, faster, more efficient, less complex?" Which is usually the case. 

But in some instances, men especially, take "agile" to be this "holy grail" as if it was even a new concept.

It's not new. It was just re-marketed to us by a bunch of dudes, literally, and they signed it as if it was a fucking constitution. Lmfao: 

https://agilemanifesto.org/principles.html

I mean how male egotistical is this? It's SOOO COMICAL!!!! I don't even have the words. 

Back in the day, lol, before the term "agile" , we called simpler systems of operations "efficient timelines". 

But now, they just added all these dumb male driven ideas and concepts, and coined it "agile".

So fuck "agile", you aren't doing anything new. 

You literally (and this is so male) took an existing concept and rebranded it! And required us to memorize your "concept" of a "ideal" version of driving a project. You even created fucking tests & certifications for this shit, all utilizing YOUR own version of what PM should look like, with not ONE FEMALE IN THE ROOM.

When every PM knows that the root cause of issues in the project is usually the project itself and all the owners of all the pieces of the project, not the process.

We're definitely there to drive it along, and organize it as best as possible. But if people aren't doing their job well, then they aren't doing their job well. lol. 

Were you silent or were you silenced?

I wrote this poem about a month ago, but it is very relevant to pop culture right now. 

The sound of a woman's gathering, how comforting, how nurturing. 

I feel safe here. 

Connected. Revived. Accepted. 

I've been wondering where you all have been hiding. 

What are we hiding from? 

All I see are fierce, formidable, powerful women. 

Yet we hide. 

I'm glad I found you all. 

May we gather our troops.

Warrior goddesses are in our midst and we are silencing them. 

 How dare we. 

 How mellifluous are the sounds of primal screams to me.

shyness.

my shyness makes me feel frozen like im trapped in my body i know on the inside i have so much to offer not only am i afraid to show it but also know better than to think im better than anyone else i struggle between leaving space for others and giving voice to my heart i always feel an urge to speak and yet end up choosing not too maybe its a good thing my words are here, instead where they can be edited and read in your own time why should i bombard you with my stories and opinions this way it is your choice to invite me in, not mine.

divine sisters.

my divine sisters how healing, how beautiful your presence puts me at ease i feel safe i feel grateful overjoyed.

Goddess Vibes.

my mother tongue needs healing.

my mother tongue needs healing.

i can hear the pain in the vibration of their voices.

i feel their energy.

it emits pain, hurt, and trauma.

Sometimes I am a coward and I want to run away into my own peace.

Other times I sit with their energy and try to move it for them.

but i know they are the ones that need to do the work.

they need to clear themselves. 

I emit, I do not absorb.

I emit, I do not absorb. 

I will strike you with compassion if you tread on my peace.

I am a sorceress. 

I am all powerful.

I am all knowing. 

I am perfect just the way I am.

With every breath I take,

I become.

You have no power over me.

I am worthy.

I am a goddess.

I am divine.

I am peace.

10 best feminist books to read.

1. All the Single Ladies - Rebecca Traister

2. Women Who Run With the Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola, Ph.D

3. Feminist Field Notes - Elizabeth Ford

4. wordslut - amanda montell

5. Nights at the Circus - Angela Carter

6. Feminist Fight Club - Jessica Bennett

7. We were feminists once. Andi Zeisler 

8. Playing the Whore - Melissa Gira Grant

9. Brotopia - Emily Chang

10. We Should All Be Feminists - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

But wait, like actually read them though. ;)~

Our earth is screaming. Our women are exhausted.

 I am done with hearing you speak.

You have had years on years of speaking.

And you aren't telling me anything new.

So shut up.

You wreak havoc on the rest of us because you don't want to listen.

Because you value profit over what is right.

Because you value "shareholders" over employees.

Our earth is screaming. 

Our women are exhausted.

You lie.

You can feel your own destruction. 

You feel sick don't you?

And you think it's the food you're eating.

But it's actually the sickening of what you are putting out into the world back onto you.

Energy.

Karma.

Repent. 

 

Divinity.

 Women are so divine.

How do you not see us?

We are mystical and perfect. 

We anchor our divinity into the ground.

And all you do is walk all over it.

When you should be bowing at our feet. 

Lebanese Stuffed Wrapped Cabbage (Malfouf) Recipe

 Serving Size: 4

1. 1 medium to large cabbage

2. 1 can garbanzo beans

3. 1/2 cup of rice

4. Salt & pepper

Optional: tomatoes, parsley

Instructions:

1. Boil entire head of cabbage for 10 - 15 min until medium-tender, you can slide the head in half to help assist with the size of 1 leaf

2. Mix the rice & garbanzo beans together

3. Add salt & pepper

4. Once the cabbage is medium-tender, drain the water and peel the leaves one by one. You don't need to peel them all at once I tend to do one at a time, fill, and repeat.

5. Cut out the hard center of the cabbage leaf, for small wraps, cut the leaf in half , for medium to larger wraps, keep it whole

6. Align a pinch of the garbanzo bean + rice mix horizontally along the center of the leaf

7. Begin to roll the leaf , tucking in the right & left ends as you roll - press firmly for a tight roll

8. Begin to stack the rolled cabbage on top of one another in a pan, cover with water, until it reaches top of cabbage  

9. Boil for 15 minutes, or enough until the rice is fully cooked.

10 best Feminist movies & shows to watch

 1. Reign (on Netflix)

2. Anne with an E (on Netflix)

3. Pride and Prejudice - I like the version with Keira Knightly

4. Orange is the New Black

5. Dear White People

6. Queens Gambit

7. Over the Moon

8. The Crown 

9. easy A

10. GLOW

Best Sweatpants for every day of the week

Best Sweatpants for every day of the week:

How to Let go of a toxic relationship.

 I can speak from 20 years of dating experience. How to let go of a toxic relationship is very complicated and it takes time.

The first step in letting go of a toxic relationship is understanding your personal value. You cannot let this person go until you first realize you have so much to offer, and I promise you, you do. Repeat in your mind over and over until you have crushed idea out of your mind "I deserve", "I am worthy", "I am amazing" , "I am beautiful" "I am powerful" etc. etc. Email me, I have tons of these!!

The second step in letting go of a toxic relationship is being aware of the health inflictions not letting him go is causing you. Mentally & physically. You may need to cry it out for two weeks once you let it go, and so be it. But don't let this person drag you into toxicity like drugs, alcohol or other. Let it DRAG you towards peace, ultimate serenity &  bliss.

The third step to letting go of a toxic relationship is to let go of the idealized version you created this person to be. They most likely are not as great as you created them to be in your mind, especially if they are not treating you right. The reality vs. the dream is very different.

The fourth step to letting go of a toxic relationship is to be content being alone. This is a tough one and one that I recommend to all my friends. It's ok to be alone!!!! It's fun! Find a new hobby, make new friends. If all of this is too hard to do, please email me and I will find you another solution (that could be an entirely other article).

The fifth step to letting go of a toxic relationship is to cut those chords! Mentally & literally. Tell yourself "no" everytime you go to thinking of texting them or letting them back in. You will set yourself back MONTHS, it isn't worth it. Go back to step 1 if you reach this stage.

The last step to letting go of a toxic relationship is saving some of that love that you have so much to offer, and so much to give, to yourself. Hey, you can hug yourself!! You can caress yourself! You can imagine the love frequency (this is part of a mindfulness practice) being sent to your own heart! Look in the mirror and say OUT LOUD - don't be embarrassed - "I LOVE YOU". 

The art of doing nothing.

 The art of doing nothing is actually very hard to achieve.

It requires patience, breath, and letting go. Who knew that the art of letting go was so difficult?!

Here are some tricks to letting go:

1. Repeat "Let Go" over and over in your mind until you exhaust yourself

2. You can try other mantras like "Sit Still", "Just Be" or other. And simply repeat over and over until you have calmed down.

3. You can put on HZ frequency music, and sit still listening to it  - search "HZ frequency" on youtube.

4. You can listen to a sound bath - on a meditation app or search for one on youtube

5. You can listen to the silence

6. Sit outside and watch the birds or nature, even if its just a tree, nothing fancy

7. Take a walk if you can, sit on a bench and watch the water or nature

The point is to try to sit HOURS at a time. 

The art of nothing can also seep into the art of conserving energy. This can relate to everything in your life :

1. Washing your clothes - do you really need to wash them so often? Unless you are very sweaty, maybe you can re-wear the same shirt 4x+

2. How often you cook - try cooking a larger amount at one time, this saves on the cleaning, cooking & back and forth process

I AM. FREE.

I AM DIVINE.

I AM A GODDESS.

I AM.

I AM.

I AM.

I AM MYSELF. I AM FREE.