1 million dates.

Jesus I've probably been on a million dates and counting. I'm 34 and have been on and off dating tons of men for the past 10 years. I can't even tell you how many. I used to wrestle with the thought of being alone. I used to deliberately not try to go out . I wanted to feel loved but simultaneously loved being alone. I'm so torn, I want myself and I sometimes want others to want me, but not truly, not in my deepest heart. In my deepest heart, I am fine on my own. I used to fuss with my hair so much. And I used to wear the sexiest outfits and put SO much makeup on, because I was trying to impress these men. I wanted them to like me. But now I just throw on my baggiest oversized plaid top and torn jeans, maybe some chunky boots, and bright bold red lipstick but with no other makeup on. Because I don't need them to like me, I need me to decide if they are right for me.