the Gretchen effect.

I didn't realize it until now. Almost 6 years later, as to why I am so shy and meek and soft spoken in my work life

I have been pacified for too long. And now that it is finally my turn to speak up, I can't.

Backstory:

I was always outspoken. Always. In Junior High and in High School - I would talk back to my teachers if I thought they were wrong. I would correct my friends. I had a major attitude . Everyone was always trying to stop me from being me. So I would do what I did best - yell, bite, scream back.

My catholic high school controlled how I wore my hair, my skirt, my words! 

My parents always told me "no". No you can't go in the ocean, no you can't sleep at your friends house, no you can't go by yourself.

But I felt like an adult mentally early on. I can remember as far back as the 5th grade. I always accelerated in my classes. I was in honor classes, on the cheer & dance teams, in AP classes in college. I always felt ready. Felt ready to move on, and felt ready for the next thing.

My first job was SO cool. I am ever more grateful for it when I look back at it. I was an executive assistant at a start up software company. The team was close - mostly guys and then me. But I liked it. I got along with them. It was funny if they tried to hit on me, I usually let it slide and they moved on. We were all still friends no matter what. We would hang out after work and on the weekends even. I even slept at my bosses house once! The rules were different back then. There were less of them.

I felt like I could be myself here. I felt like I finally found a group of people I connected to and had a good career going. I saw myself as an executive assistant for a long time. In Los Angeles you can make a very good - even great income - being an executive assistant. It actually takes a lot more skill and creativity than anyone would imagine - I was part HR, accounting, operations.

But then the market crashed. Everyone was getting laid off. And I was one of them.

I was happy and sad to leave. By this point the “group” started splitting up. We weren’t hanging out as much any more and they weren’t treating me the same. But I was sad it was ending. Excited to find something new.

I decided that my next step would be something different. I was lucky enough to be living at home with my parents, and receiving financial aid. And I was 26 so it was almost ok for me to still be at home. I saved a ton of money being at home! I have way more in my 401k than any of my friends due to me living this way. I was saving up to $1600 a month some months! That’s a lot for an average income individual in the 2000’s. I was only making $50k a year. That seems so low now that I am making a lot more.

So my next step. I hounded the recruiter at BCBG.  I called him all the time! I even had 3 different interviews with 3 different people . I basically forced my way in.

I got lucky

My 3rd interview - I interviewed with 2 of the sweetest girls ever and the recruiter that basically saved my life. I got hired.

Wow wow wow. A visual sourcing & production coordinator at BCBG. I didn’t realize it then , but that is a highly coveted role . It’s so hard to get a job there - can you imagine the number of applicants they received? One of the reasons I got the job was because I went to a UC and in corporate world that means, and it really does, that I’m above average when it comes to school work which technically could mean that you would be above average at work.

to be continued...